Nov 09 2009
The Phenomenon
There is a phenomenon that will always, always amaze me. Its the phenomenon of the shrinking friends and family list. It is the way a trial you go through in your life seems to cause some friends and family to forget they care and walk away from your relationship. I think what surprises me the very most is who it turns out to be. Who chooses to not talk to you or forget to call. Don’t get me wrong here. I am not perfect. And if I were a betting person, I would bet that we have all been that person who walks away as well as the person who gets left. There are events in life where I do believe you should walk away from a relationship, but that can be another post some other day. The part of this Phenomenon that I am writing about today is the one where someone judges too harshly and decides they are better than you. So, they turn their back. They don’t talk to you or acknowledge you or even spit in your face. Nothing. They just turn their back in judgement.
This is what God’s word says in Matthew 7:1-6 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend,‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.6 “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.
Christ died on the cross for us. For our sins. He paid that price that I can never repay. He loves us. More than any one person could. His blood covers us; covers our sin. All of our sin. And God forgives us. When we ask for forgiveness, He gives it. When we are born again He has already forgiven us before we have even sinned. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. God forgives so we too should forgive.
Luke 6:37 says “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
A few last thoughts before I close. Why do people make other peoples problems about them?When they weren’t the person trangressed against to begin with, what gives them the right to be mean or angry and unloving and unforgiving. Not even being willing to hear the other person out. Satan’s career is damning and condemning everyone, or at least trying. We should not be giving him our business. We can all feel disappointment in the choices our loved ones make. I understand that.I feel that, too, at times. That doesn’t make me stop loving and caring for that person. When the transgressed can forgive, can show Love, why are others reluctant to follow? This makes me think of Christ hanging as the sacrifice for our sins on that cross. He was transgressed against, he showed Love and Grace, and yet, people are still reluctant to follow.
This is a phenomenon that will always, always amaze me.
God Loves you. =0)
To learn of God’s great love and plan of salvation please visit http://www.calvaryaurora.org/how-to-know-god/
Hi, stumbled across your blog and wanted to leave my opinion. In my opinion when someone walks away ‘from the wrong doer’, weather its one person, a couple, or family it is because the person in the wrong won’t be honest about his/her mistake to family, friends, co-workers, etc. It is much harder to move on and ‘start over’ without an apoligy or the person admiting they messed up. Living a lie is not starting over.
Maybe the people who turn and walk away don’t know how to accept/cope with the situation. No communication will not help improve any situation, good or bad
Thank you for your thoughts. I definately see your point of view. You make a valid point. Honesty and communication are essential from both parties. However, how can the wrong doer appologize and ask for forgivesness if someone just turns their back right away? When they have aparently made up their mind without giving the wrong doer a chance to ask for forgiveness. It seems to me that if it’s that easy to turn your back on someone, maybe that person didn’t truly love or care for the “wrong doer” to begin with. I have a hard time understanding conditional love. Where with one wrong descision I would just not care for someone anymore. Like a light switch; on and off. Based on my own personal life experiences, I believe it is much easier to walk away than it is to stick around and work things out.
I am truly grateful that Christ didn’t turn his back on me. He forgives and loves unconditionally. I wish we could all be that way.
Thank you, again for your comments. I appreciate and respect your opinion. I hope you stop by for a chat again soon.
Blessings! =0)
What if it was the wrong doer who turned their back? The other person isn’t going to wait for the person in the wrong to wake up and realize they need to admit their mistake. Some people don’t want to admit they are wrong or messed up, therfor pushing a friend or
family member further away.
Whatever the mistake or situation, it effects EVERYONE. Some people dont or won’t realize that everyone near and far are effected and that can prolong forgiveness and make the situation worse
I have wondered about all that myself. I was the back turner before I was saved by grace through faith. In my self righteous pride I would judge very harshly. That was before Christ showed me that I was but filthy rags in my own “righteousness”. Very humbling experience, and one He continues to teach me. When I remember from whence I came, I have no desire to pick up that stone. It has caused me to hit my knees in humility, thank God for the salvation I have, and honestly desire to come along side the person who has hurt me, or a loved one, and pray with them unto restoration. Easy? Absolutely not. Possible? Absolutely yes, but not in my own strength. My flesh screams to make things even, settle the score, make that other person PAY for the pain they caused. But, love covers a multitude of sin. Christ did it, and He has called me to do it too.
That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it…
Very interesting topic Melanie -
I prefer to call it my “shorten the Christmas card list”
I say that tongue and check.
When going through a difficult time is when I find that I need my friends and family most. Please note the order in which I put those 2 categories. I have more often been able to turn to my friends before family. Why is that? I believe that friends will often love you for who you are – where you are – Family on the other hand don’t let you forget your mistakes.
Due to a severe accident that could have easily taken the life of my daughter, mother, and myself I have learned that LIFE IS FAR TOO SHORT to hold grudges, ill feelings, hurt, etc…We are taught in God’s word to hold short accounts…”let not the sun go down upon your wrath”. What individuals don’t understand is that the apology for the failure or sin is to only encompass the circle who were directly affected. Not just because some busy-body told their friend and that friend told their 5 friends and so on.
Why is it that we kick each other when we are down? How is that Christ like? I would like to think if I were to fail or sin and hurt someone so deeply that I would have the freedom, in time, to speak with that person and clear the air – if you will. I believe everyone has to ask for forgiveness on their time table – first and foremost is forgiveness of Christ, the offended, and anyone else INVOLVED – not just prvy to information. Hurt and dishonesty take time to heal and rebuild – this can not happen over night –
One example and I will stop rambling… 20 years ago — yes 20 years a dear college roommate was offended over something and to this day neither of us can recall what it was. Ironically enough this dear friend, choose not to be my wedding, did not return calls, and we loss touch for more than 20 years. My heart was broke because it was never resolved. The first few years I wondered why, thought of this friend often. 2 months ago she found me on facebook and asked for my forgiveness and apologized for hurting me. 20 years … we lost 20 years … how sad. Did I accept her apology? Absolutely!!! Our friendship was more important than a “failure” on either/both of our parts.
Don’t let 20 years pass and not deal with issues … To the Unknown response – it sounds as if you were deeply hurt – please take the time to calmly speak with the friend or family that you have the hurt with… life is too short. Walking away NEVER resolves anything it will only allow a root of bitterness to take hold and it will eventually destory you from the inside out.
Ok – I rambled enough – remember that Christ first loved us! I am so grateful for His unconditional love and that my sins are covered in the blood.
May God bless each of you as we continue to love others as Christ has loved us.